Before You Start Chemo, Read This

     I'm going to offer a few bits of random advice to anyone who is going to commence chemo treatment.  Bit #1:  Don't be a dork like me and try to stop your anti-nausea meds too soon.  The oncology nurse said to give it a solid 7 days, at least.  And then wean off--I'm cutting out the Compazine, and keeping the Zofran, and then I'll taper off the Zofran.  BTW, Zofran is my chemo BFF.  Just sayin'.  Bit#2:  I know you are totally sick of drinking water, I get it, but just do it, don't make a fuss, just effing drink your water.  Mix a little juice in it, not too much because the acid will get you.  You don't want your fingers drying out and cracking and bleeding.  Be a good girl, just drink.  Bit #3:  I know you have about 100 zillion pill bottles going right now, and alarm schedules, and all that, and you are rightfully paying attention to the ones that are prescription vs. OTC meds.  But the Claritin they tell you to take for the bone aches, and the Aleve (both TM, no generic) for the same--please put that on a schedule and take it.  Even if  you feel like you are a cow and you are chewing cud made entirely of pills.  Just take it.  It is very hard to beat the bone aches back once they take hold and, if you are in any way like me, they will start right where you had your bone marrow biopsy, and you will want to beg someone to punch you there about 27 times just to feel something different than the ache.  So be good to yourself.  Your liver and your kidneys will be up to the task of filtering all this out, just take the meds.  Bit#4:  Have a 24-hour acid reducer in your stash of OTC meds.  You may very well need it, even if you are a person who never has a problem with heartburn/reflux.  Just have it handy.  Bit #5:  Don't be a neurotic body image chick (or dude, I guess, but I always think this is a chick thing only).  When you actually start to gain a few pounds from what cancer has made you lose, when the steroids have bumped up your appetite for a change, don't be bummed that you gained a few.  Seriously, you DO know that's messed up, don't you?  Yes, admit it, you know!  If you lose too much weight they have to power down your chemo, dude, and you want full-octane cancer killing to happen.  So don't be a freak about it.  I know, it's hard.  'Cuz those of us who are freaks about that have a long love affair with our weight neuroses, and it's hard not to listen to the dysfunctional feedback loop, but you have to.  Be the one who GAINS WEIGHT on chemo--it's like giving cancer a big middle finger!!